CNY-Less

Chinese new year is here.

We cannot celebrate it this year. My dearest grandfather had passed away a couple of weeks ago, the happy stuff for the next 3 months are all voided. Now that the whole point of going back hometown had been reduced, yet we all have to go back no matter what.
I hope my grandmother will be able to take this well.
Death is so random, to a point where you realize that you do not have time to feel regret, to feel sorry for not the stuff you did, but the stuff you didn’t. My grandfather was standing in front of me right before I go to Korea for the student exchange program.
And now, he is lying in the coffin forever.
I’m having this terrible heartache. Not about what I had done, but what I didn’t. I regret I didn’t get the chance to learn Hakka dialect from my grandparents. I feel sorry that whenever I see him, he had to start the conversation first.
Time flies, nothing remains the same.
The whole guiltiness felt even worse accompanied by my amazing luck, I had been through multiple surgeries on my feet due to viral infection, causing me to limp all the way during my grandfather’s funeral.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. To realize what you did was so little and you will never have enough time to complete them. Be grateful that the people that loves you are still around. You will never know what will happen the next moment. That night, I was hugging my mother with tears all over my face, telling her that I love her.
She probably know it already.
Anyway,
I should probably pick up my new year resolution sheet and make sure I do it this time.
No time to lose, not time to regret later anymore.
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