I hate the feeling of being helpless.
In this, I am absolutely sure that I am in this situation in and out for a year already. What makes it worse is that it is not going to end just yet. The whole fact that the time, the people and the place are not in favor with me in this stupid year frustrates me.
And there will be more.
I’m very worried now. But the thing is that I cannot do anything about it. I’m 6 hours flight away from home (I’m not bothered to convert that into mileage), now there’s problem at home. Not one, but three. What can I do now? The time when my family needed me the most, I am away from home. This time is not just away, but very far away from home.
I want to go home.
Despite the fact that I might not be the most family-orientated ones you might came across in your life because I complaint about my family like in daily basis, but I want to go back home now. I just feel like being with them now, at least.
Share the hard time together, as a family.
I know we will go through this, but the whole issue that involves me being in the foreign country, still using money from home, giving burden to the family does not makes me feel any better. In fact, I am feeling damn guilty right now.
Two hundred and fifty thousand won is enough to live at Korea, since food and accommodation is provided to us. There is no reason for me to overspent it and still using the money back at home.
However, I still insisted to travel.
For that, I feel damn guilty. So guilty that I don’t know what to do anymore. I might be acting really selfish right now, and I really does not enjoy the fact that I am not only not helping but increasing the burden of the family.
Recently, I realize that I got this “do-not-know-what-to-do-anymore” scenario more than ever, is like I’m getting stupider as I grow up. Or getting much more inflexible around people.
It is really frustrating.
Just came to knowing my grandfather was confirmed that he can only live for one more year due to liver cancer and for that itself I think I am going to break down. Because just only last 6 months ago, my grandmother is getting ill and the situation is not going help in anyway when my mum told me that my dad’s business is at stake right now.
I want to go home now. Very badly.
Oh yes, life is like a shit. I insist.
And you know what? I don’t know what to do anymore.